As regular readers will know, the NL naughty step posts are not restricted to housing law, though tend to have a legal connection. It is just a question of who might attract our attention at any given moment for the right, or rather wrong reason..

Every now and again, we like to catch up with previous occupants of the naughty step, to see how they are getting on, how they have grown, what they have learnt, that kind of thing. For example, Jill Kirby cropped up on Newsnight the other evening, no longer talking ‘expertly’ from a position of ignorance about family law, but deploying an equal lack of experience and understanding on the topic of deficit reduction economics.

Very long term readers might just remember a rather special occupant of the step, a soi disant ‘barrister’ who got in a bit of a tangle over the mens rea and actus reus of plagiarism in an attempt to justify his colossally hypocritical bilge about his essay writing service. Barclay Littlewood, for it is he, is indeed no longer just peddling ‘guaranteed plagiarism free’ pre-written essays.

Barclay (we were on first name terms in the comments to the last post) has previously demonstrated that he was the walking exemplar of the verb ‘bloviate’. (again see the comments to the last post). And perhaps self knowledge is a strength of Barclay’s, because it appears he is basing a whole new business on a relentless ability to generate a lot of important sounding words.

Yes, Barclay is now a guru. He has found bliss (or perhaps BLISS) and he wants you to have it too.

In one way, yes be yourself. But, this hinges on the definition of “yourself.” It implies simply be as you are. The issue with that is it implies there is also nothing to be done to reach bliss. Not so. So be yourself that highest, unchanging “you” to which all else has ever occurred and happened and to whom all occurs and happens even now, but remains, somehow, beyond them all, observing them all, consciously or subconsciously. Be that. Over and over and over. Bliss will come.

It’s still there if I type, mumbo-jumbo, mumbo-jumbo. It’s there whatever you are doing, whatever you are reading. It’s not in these words; it’s in you.

And so on, and on and, endlessly, on. And it doesn’t matter if you disagree with him, because disagreement is, you know, relative and Barclay deals with the absolute.

Good, don’t agree. Let the relative be as it wishes! There is nothing to agree with. Agreement or disagreement takes place in the relative only – and you are aware of both – which is a fact! If you are experiencing the bliss of that which is aware of, unchanged by the agreeing or lack of, then your job is done. If not, find and be that which all else happens to, which is beyond all content, and practice being that.

But, this being Barclay, he wants you to have bliss subject to a £20,000 deposit before first meeting, and initial down payment of £438,000 on a two year £6000 per day contract. Oh and the initial ‘not less than 5000 word’ application essay. Presumably to be written by yourself, not one of Barclay’s ‘ghostwriters’. For that you get his undivided time 24 hours a day, except when, well, he isn’t available.

This gives you unlimited personal access to me as long as it doesn’t interfere with my commitment to other clients

Still at only 5 clients at any one time (and £30,000 per day) you shouldn’t be on hold too long. I presume for £30,000 a day, Barclay manages not to sleep.

For anyone who wants to see him in action, here is Barclay, shiny of suit and shiny of face, doing sincere hands on a calm sofa, telling us how to pay him.

Why charge? Why charge so much? Barclay has an answer.

Q. Isn’t teaching for money wrong?

A. That’s a very limited viewpoint. Look at everything so worthless that is sold today, to admonish someone for selling something so precious as this makes little sense. So many things that are in reality worthless objects are sold for millions. What about selling someone a car for a million pounds? It’s nothing more than a toy, or worse, something that fails to quench the desire of the buyer leaving them searching for their next fix.

I’m not keeping anything secret — the information is there and has been for thousands of years in different guises. All I have done is bring it up to date with modern science and provide a personal service. I believe you have to charge what something is worth in order not to undervalue it. £180,000 a month for this is cheap. If you experienced bliss, you would know. It’s worth £100,000,000 more; it’s priceless, and nothing else that can be bought and can match this.

I think this boils down to ‘people pay silly money for other things, so let me see what I can get away with’.

Oh, and potential applicants also must be

in the public eye someone with status, or someone that has a high level of influence on society

and must have

The motivation and means to travel to me wherever I am in the world. (Usually UK, USA, or North Ibiza)

Barclay has ‘science’ to prove things. He has MRI scans done by a Dr Zoran Josipovic of NYU showing his blissy brain and not blissy (chewing) brain. He quotes Dr Josipovic as saying

The image shows functional connectivity during bliss and during ‘rest/blocking’ Yellow/red areas indicate areas of positive functional connectivity while blue/green indicate areas of negative functional connectivity. Bliss condition resulted in the overall increase of functional connectivity within the default mode network, (also know as the intrinsic network, responsible for the sense of self and self-awareness) especially along its main axis – medial Prefrontal cortex (mPFC) – medial Parietal / Posterior Cingulate Cortex (PCC).

Blimey!

Having done some reading around the theory, the research actually indicates that the increase in ‘intrinsic network activity’ also correlates with a reduction in, well, actually thinking. Barclay claims to be in a bliss state, with an increase in ‘intrinsic network activity’, pretty much all of the time.

Dr Josipovic apparently has brain scans from meditating Buddhist monks and nuns. This suggests that Barclay may have significantly cheaper competition. Moreover, the monks and nuns, having done between 4000 and 37,000 hours of mediation practice, show a greater harmonisation of ‘intrinsic’ and ‘external’ (actually dealing with the world) brain networks, while Barclay’s blissy brain is basically self, self self.

But enough of the not entirely digested science. Intriguingly, Barclay describes himself as having a ‘background’ in the essay factory industry and ‘pretty much retired’ from the business. In fact he has been in a state of permanent bliss since ‘April/May 2012. Yet his contact address is ‘Any Answers Limited’ and he remains a director of Any Answers Limited according to Companies House, with an odd blip where he was un-appointed and reappointed as director within a couple of days in July 2012.

So it appears being constantly in a state of bliss doesn’t particularly improve one’s sense of ethics. As Barclay puts it, “There’s no such thing as a bad or terrible person, just a bad or terrible brain”. Slightly more worrying is his assertion that:

Asides the experience of peace, their exists only one difference between a person experiencing bliss and a psychopath. A person in bliss will use fear and anger for the good of another as a defensive means to steer them on the straight and narrow path— not to harm them — because deep down they know the wonder and good that all people can cultivate. Their aim is the well being of that person. A psychopath, however, doesn’t care about the well being of others at all and is entirely self interested for their pleasure. They don’t care if they destroy others and therefore harm in the absolute sense exactly what they are.

There we are. Barclay in his state of bliss is exactly like a psychopath, except that when he reacts with fear or anger it is for another person’s own good, really.

So, roll up people of power and influence willing to apply in not less than 5000 words, with proof of income, then follow Barclay around for a couple of years, paying £6,000 a day, as he teaches you that

Through your own practice, used as your life happens, you can unabsorb from these relative symptoms as the sole reality at any one time.

Sadly, I can’t afford it. Because I would certainly want to put my mind and mental well being in the hands of a pedlar of “ghostwritten” essays.