I ought to be drafting a brief to Counsel that is needed tomorrow, and I will, I will, but as a distraction activity, it is time for the fall back post of every lazy blogger – a trawl through the search engine keyphrases log. Genuine search click throughs all.

So, nearly legal answers your questions…

1. bringing a company into disrepute?

I’m trying to avoid it. If you are after how-to hints, there are no shortage of casualty bloggers’ tales.

2. the fountain duchamp opinion feminist?

It is a stand up pissoir, and an, erm, curved receptacle. But it is rendered useless for that purpose and the title ‘Fountain’ involves a potentially humiliating inversion of the usual direction of flow. Is that enough to be geting along with?

3. what gcse results have to be to become a lawyer?

You are really asking the wrong person here, as I haven’t got any. But on the whole, I’d imagine ‘good’ to ‘very good’ would cover it. Additionally, it is worth realising that GCSE results can’t actually become a lawyer.

4. web?

Can you imagine how many thousands of pages of results this person had to click through. And then, of all the countless links arrayed before them, they clicked on ‘nearly legal’. Whoever you are, I think you need to focus. Breathe deeply and ask yourself ‘what is it I am looking for’. Of course, none of us ever really know, but narrowing down the field of possibility is existential good practice.

5. m lud?

I trust that this is where my few hits from France came from. I hope they found him.

6. free advice on labor matters?

In the spirit of international solidarity, I will avoid advice on spelling labour, and simply wish the US comrade bon chance and apologise for the fleeting disappointment they must have felt.

7. sexually explicit images of mature women?

After I picked up this domain, I belatedly realised the name might attract a certain sort of searcher who would be disappointed. This is in the opposite direction to the one I expected, but dear searcher, you are equally doomed to disappointment.

And lastly

8. can i call myself a legal advisor?

A beautiful example of a self-cancelling question. The short answer is very very highly likely to be no.

Cheap mockery at the expense of passing searchers? Yes, I’m not ashamed. Well, maybe a little, but not when there is an evening’s work to be delayed.