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Brief to Counsel to the tune of Noel Coward’s
Don’t put your daughter on the stage
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Don’t put our client on the stand Mr Worthington,
Don’t put our client on the stand.
The possession claim is issued
The situation’s rough
And admitting the debt
And illegal sub-let
Really isn’t quite enough
He has no sense
That to neighbours a respect is due
And don’t you think his manner too
Uncertain to be planned?
We repeat Mr Worthington,
And plead, Mr Worthington
Don’t put our client on the stand
Re your advice, sage Mr Worthington
Of Wednesday the 23rd
Although our client may be
Keen on his day in court
We repeat our thought
The client should be fought
For him to speak
Wise Mr Worthington
Is on the face of it absurd
His personality
Is not in reality
Repentant enough
Respectful enough
For cross-exam to be sought
Don’t put our client on the stand Mr Worthington
Don’t put our client on the stand
Though he said at the pre-trial conference
The rent arrears would be cut
We’re afraid on the whole
His spell on parole
Has meant they’ve just gone up
He’s a big man and though he’s rarely violent
Hitting the usher was a precedent
Sure to see him damned
No more buts Mr Worthington
Nuts Mr Worthington
Don’t put our client on the stand.
Should Counsel wish to discuss the matter further, he should contact Nearly Legal of Instructing Solicitors, who is dandling a dry Martini and wearing a cravat.